Somebody said you gotta get away to wanna go back home again.

I've got at least three papers to write, but instead, I'm writing here. Makes sense. Or something.

The good news is that I've stopped crying every three seconds, but the bad news is that I'm still going to be an orphan for Thanksgiving. I couldn't really afford to fly home, and my dad, who was planning to visit, can't due to some health issues, so I find myself alone in this strange city for the holiday. I'm done complaining about it, I guess. I just find myself feeling slightly homesick on occasion, and it's hard to be so far away for a holiday that has always been family-oriented for me.

It doesn't help that Santa Fe is like bizarro world. I went with my friend from work to a basketball game (her brother's on the team) at the Santa Fe Indian School, and never in my life have I felt so...um, pale. Every day is eye-opening here. I feel like I'm finally waking up in a lot of ways. I'm stepping out of my comfortable bubble of complacency. What's outside of that is bizarro world. But it's ok.

At school we talk a lot about how this people in our (anglo-american, predominant) culture are in a sort of trance. A trance of consumerism, disconnect from family and family history, violence, corruption, and so on. Now, I'm not saying that I'm out of that trance yet, but at least now I see it for what is: just another distraction. And what's on the other side? What happens after one wakes up? I guess that's the tricky part. There's the super cool awareness thingy. There's a tapping into of the bigger than (God or holiness, if you will). But there's also a loneliness, an isolation. There's a "then what?". It's a bit intimidating.

But no one said enlightenment was easy, I guess.