poem (for the first time in ages...)

degrees of freedom

i am becoming what i've always wanted to be.
see, there was a time when i'd just stay in line
and say "yes sir, whatever you say."
and it seemed like the only way.

until i met another man,
one i knew i'd understand.
oh, the glistening brilliance of youth.
(turned out not to be such a good plan.)

but i learned, and am learning still
sometimes it's not a matter of our will
who we are or where we'll be
it's just the knowledge that freedom comes by degree.

(First one I've written in forever. It works, I guess.)

Insert clever title here.

Attention all you suckas who didn't go to the 5:30 Mass last night: You missed the amazing vocal stylings of....me. Hah ha! I sang the alto part on the Psalm. For the record, I didn't mess it up too badly, but if you're looking for a repeat performance, it's unlikely to be any time in the near future. You'll have to speak to my agent I suppose.

In the meantime, I've been putting off homework, missing important appointments, crying, being stressed out, forgoing dinner in favor of pistachios, and basically mucking up everything I do. Fun game.

Tomorrow is November 8th: don't forget to vote.

Some pig!

This is my crappy photography, but F you, I like it!

It's my beloved rodent, with one of his favorite toys, a ratty hand towel. I figure I'd take a few pictures of Beaker today, seeing as his birthday is coming up on the 11th (coincidentally the same day as Kira's).

In honor of the Beakmeister's first birthday, I feel that some sort of celebration is in order. Maybe we'll hit the bars in town. Maybe I'll let him eat an entire apple. Or maybe we'll just hang out like we usually do. Me and the pig, just chillin'. Tis good, I say.

Well I'm impressed.

My brother Ian strikes again. Him and his fancy newfangled digital camera...anyway, I think this is just an awesome picture of our dog, Streak. So, mad props to Ian for being cool, and here's a link to some more of his photos.

: \

Killer Tofu!

For some reason, I've been quasi-vegetarian (again) as of late. I haven't had much appetite for meat, and nine times out of ten, the mere thought of it kinda turns my stomach. When I go grocery shopping, I buy ridiculous amounts of produce. Spinach, apples, green peppers, carrots, peas, etc. And I complement this with dairy products: yogurt, cottage cheese, milk. Throw in some granola, and that's essentially what I've been eating for the past week or so.

Frankly, I think it's a pretty healthful diet, but my nutritionist was wary, given that I've used vegetarianism as an excuse to eat nothing. This time, I'm for real, however. To prove this, I said that I would try to find alternative protein sources. I looked through the good old internets and found some very easy tofu recipes. I mean, idiot proof recipes. Ah, good! I thought to myself. I can be creative and still get my protein and life will be good.

So I began my cooking adventure earlier this afternoon. I cut open the package of tofu (which had taken me about 20 minutes to pick out at the grocery store), drained the water, and plopped it onto my cutting board. Hmm. A little rubbery, but ok. I sliced it up. It kept falling apart. Hmm, this tofu is more delicate than I had initially thought. But I put it in the sauce, then on the baking sheet. Ha hah! I thought, I'm "cooking". Like a grown-up!

I turned on the oven to pre-heat it. Good good good. Then, the smoke alarm went off. Not good. I didn't even have anything in the oven yet! I turned the oven off. No problem, I thought, I'll just take the battery out of the smoke alarm. After doing so, I returned to the business of pre-heating. Not a minute later, the smoke alarm went off yet again! (I suppose it's good to know that in case I'm actually burning something, it will work whether the battery is dead or not.) I figured that disconnecting the thing wouldn't be such a good idea, so I covered it in saran wrap, which I sealed off with masking tape. Now I was cooking with gas (literally)!

So I put my tofu in the oven. And wait. And resist the urge to check on it every five minutes. Finally, it was time, so I pulled it out. I sorta expected them to be crispy. The recipe said "crispy"! Yet, they were still a bit, well, rubbery. Scowl. I think that my fatal design flaw was buying the wrong kind of tofu entirely, which is a bit disappointing. I'll have to try again at some point. I'll probably still eat these tofu thingies...But hopefully they'll be a little more tasty in the future.

If anyone has any tofu-cooking tips, let me know!

"John...Matthew...Thaddaeus..."

My research methods professor's daughter is in my CCD class. This professor asked me how things were going with CCD; I told her that it's good overall, but the kids are awfully hyped up at that time of day. It's hard for them, having to sit for an hour and a half after having been in school all day. I told her I wish I could find an active game for them to play. Perhaps I could adapt "Duck Duck Goose" to be religious, somehow. She said, "You could play 'Apostle, Apostle, Christ'". I pictured it: the kids in a circle, one of them tapping the others on the head, "John, Matthew, Thaddaeus...Jesus!" And then taking off and running. Perhaps I'll do it.

Procrastination is a beautiful thing.

Maybe it's writer's block or maybe it's that science classes leech me of the will to live, but I haven't been able to write here very much lately. I just don't have much to say. There isn't too much going on.

The only event in my life now is school. I go to class all day, and then when I'm done, I do homework for a good chunk of the night. I work like the hounds of hell are after me, and yet I still feel that I'm falling behind. It's a bit maddening. I often wonder why I even bother, especially since I'm in a major I hate and don't plan to use. But even in the classes I do enjoy, the work seems tedious and excessive. I know, I know, I shouldn't complain. College is supposed to be the best (5) years of your life. I'm sure having a real people job is not going to be better. But at the moment, I am feeling overwhelmed and unenthusiastic about this whole academic thing.

I long for a rejuvenation of my creative and artistic energies. My writing is languishing (as you can tell!) and it's been ages since I've painted. The only "creative" thing I've been doing is working on my project for sculpture, which is basically hideous. The human face does not translate well to Plastilina. Especially in the hands of a very amateur sculptor. The professor's harsh criticism doesn't do much for the self esteem either. Some of his comments to various classmates: "It's starting to look like a werewolf." "This has gotten worse since last week." "Well, it's not bad...but it's not good, either." Is it any wonder that I get nervous about going to that class?

Yes, the school work is relentless, but this is what I signed up for, I suppose. The good news is that I will be getting a small break, as I'm going on retreat this weekend. I'm very excited about this because it will give me a chance to think about my life as a whole and not just as a student. And it will be restful. And I may even get a chance to write or draw. It should be good.

Finally an update!

This is courtesy of my cousin Erin, who, having decided that I'm slacking on the updates, is doing it for me:

Lisa's Blog Sept 15
Today was an exciting day. I walked over to the library, like I always do, to see my lover, Harvey, when all of a sudden two big dinosaurs in west chester hoodies stole my bookbag!!! I didn't know what to do so I just started to run after them. As luck would have it they tried to run into main hall but couldn't fit through the doors and got stuck. that was when I grabbed my bookbag back and ran into the library. Harvey and I spent a good three hours studying like nerds. When I left the dinos were gone. I believe the trusty wcu campus cops got them. They are probably back at the dino zoo right now or getting a snack at rams head... whatever. have a good night




Yup. Crazy times.

My Babysitter of the Year Award is going to be revoked.

I was babysitting for my usual family on Saturday night. Great people. Lovely kids. Not a bad way to spend an evening, playing, making a few bucks. The parents walked out the door, and immediately, the baby (20 months) began to cry hysterically. Wanting to cheer her up, I decided to take the two kids outside to play on the recently-installed swingset. This was a super idea, as both kids had a great time, and peace was restored once again.

After a while, I decided it was time to start getting ready for dinner, so I rounded the kids up and marched back to the house. Upon arriving at the back door from whence I'd come just an hour before, I realized that the knob wouldn't turn. I tried the front door. Locked. Basement door. Also locked. Window? Not without breaking it. "This is not a good situation!" exclaimed the 3-year-old. Indeed!

Trying not to panic, I began to ponder my options. Not to say I had very many, of course. The kids were getting hungrier, and the baby would soon need a diaper. I could call the parents...but no, as the cell phone numbers (and my phone, for that matter) were all in the house. I was getting rather nervous by this point.

As a last resort, I sheepishly approached the neighbors, who happened to be outside working on their lawn. They were more than kind, inviting us into their house. While I minded their two daughters in addition to the two rugrats already under my care, they somehow managed to contact the parents, getting the code to unlock the garage door. It was an agonizing and somewhat embarrassing situation. The neighbor was even kind enough to feed the kids dinner, which I definitely appreciated, as they were most likely starving by that point.

After they ate, we trooped back to the house, and I even managed to get them to bed on time. Their parents found the situation quite amusing, but I was completely mortified, and for a while, certain they'd never invite me to watch their kids again. Not so, however, as they began listing dates they'd need me again. Whew. Still, though, sometimes I can be such a ditz. Ugh.

Were you touched by His Noodly Appendage?

I am endlessly amused by this, an open letter to the Kansas School Board. While the School Board is proposing that Intelligent Design theory be taught in public schools, perhaps they should be aware that there is more than one theory of intelligent design.

Aside from pondering whether eating spaghetti is a sacrament or an abomination, I haven't been doing a whole lot lately. I've been completely lazy. I did go to the art museum today, which was lovely. I decided to sketch for a bit, and at one point, a guard came up to me an complimented me on what I was drawing. It was an awkward moment, for several reasons. First, my drawing isn't too great at all. I just started drawing a few months ago! Second, I mainly draw for my own amusement, not to impress anyone. And finally, but related, I hate when people look over my shoulder when I'm writing/drawing/reading. It seriously gets to me. The guy meant no harm, but it still gave me the jibbidy-jibbidies. Oh well.

Now, I leave you with this. It also amuses me.

My car bit it.

I know, I know. I haven't posted in forever. I've been busy.

The latest bad news is that my car is broken! As I was driving home from Mass on Saturday evening, it died right in the middle of an intersection. No good, I tell ya. I figured it was the battery, so this morning I called a garage and asked if they could replace. Sure, they said, bring it over. So I got in, turned the key, and...nothing. Not even the half-hearted rr-rr-rr it had made the other day. Not even the slightest click-click. Nothing. This is a problem, I said to myself. I called the towing company, cringing at the thought of a towing bill. But what could be done? It couldn't be helped. The towing guy showed up, told me that in fact the battery was absolutely corroded, and that if he could jump start my car, I could just drive it to the garage. Which he did, so I did. It was much cheaper than towing the car, so that was a happy thing. After I dropped the good old car off, I had to walk home. I was that person walking down High Street, something I swore I'd never be. But it couldn't be helped! It wasn't an awful walk, anyway. Just annoying. I'm hoping it doesn't rain today, so when I walk back I don't get soaked. We'll see. It's always an adventure.

Nannies gone wild?

One of the more interesting things I read today was about a nanny who was fired because of things her employer read in her blog. Said employer is a journalist for the New York Times, and published an article about how horrified she was at her nanny's "secret life". Looking at things from the nanny's point of view, however, it seems to me that this journalist was completely over-reacting and needs to understand that her nanny can have a life and that this life needn't affect her job performance (which I don't think it was, to be honest). The nanny's blog is here, and she has written a response to the NYT article.

I've read all of this with a combined feeling of intrigue and horror. It causes me to wonder, how do people view me based on what I've written in this silly little blog? And how does that view change between people who know me in the flesh versus people who "know" me solely based on this blog? I don't think that my blog contains any startling revelations about who I am or what I do. I think the overall picture is that I'm a wannabe artist who has bad luck with burglars. Other than that, not too much excitement here. But one never can tell how other people will interpret one's writing. I certainly hope that my employers wouldn't think me a bad influence on their children based on something stupid and trivial like a blog. Though ultimately, I think that would just make them look stupid in the long run. But hey, you never know.

Blogging is a dangerous business these days. There are always the stories of people being fired for blogging at work or giving away company secrets, but this takes it to a whole new level. An even sadder level. It reminds me of high school, when everyone had online diaries in which they gossiped about everyone else. When this gossip hit the halls of school, it was an absolute nightmare. The he-said-she-said was ruthless and destructive. I'm glad that I'm beyond that phase; I'm just hoping it doesn't make a recurrence.

In the meantime, this cheered me up significantly, as it's completely ridiculous. Try to resist watching it more that once, I dare you.

Same shit, different day.

Last night, I woke to noises at about 1:30. Heard people going up and down the stairs. Heard them upstairs.

No one lives upstairs right now. The people renting the place have some stuff there but aren't living there themselves til the school year.

Telling myself that last week's incident must have been a fluke, I eventually fell asleep again.

This morning, there were two police cars in the parking lot. Then a detective with a camera. A flury of action. Up the stairs, down the stairs. Knocking on doors.

When they finally got to mine, I gave them a piece of my mind (in a polite, respecting authority kind of way, of course). Had they actually done something last weekend, maybe the place upstairs wouldn't have been broken into and robbed. I don't know. I guess that's what happens when one lives in the student slums.

It's just that this has never happened to me before. Generally speaking, things have been pretty safe here. Now, I don't know. I don't know what to do or what to think. Should I buy a dog? A shotgun? A few more deadbolts? Maybe, maybe. I could deal without all this stress! I could deal without waking up to CSI on my lawn.

Hey you kids, off my lawn!

If anyone is having an angry streak and needs to beat someone up, you can start with the guys that tried to break into my apartment this morning.





<----They broke my screen door.

The cure for boredom!

Or possibly the death of productivity. Either way, my latest discovery on the old internets is StumbleUpon. It's a Firefox extension that allows you to flip through really interesting websites on topics of your own choosing. It also allows you to rate and review sites.

Some of the cool things I've "stumbled upon" just this afternoon:

• PostSecret- On this site, people mail in homemade postcards with a secret on it. It's pretty interesting to see what people are hiding. Also, a lot of the postcards are quite artistic.
  
• one word.- They give you a word and sixty seconds to write about it. A good cure for writer's block.
  
• The Zoomquilt- Amazing. Not much to describe other than that.
  

And that's just a little bit of it. I'm hooked.

Rinse. Repeat.

So other than painting, drawing, painting, drawing, painting drawing, paintingdrawing, I haven't really been doing much lately. Occasionally I eat or sleep or watch tv. Oh, I went to yoga on Tuesday with Nicole, which was super. The instructor is a complete hippy. I often wonder if she ever gets angry or even the slightest bit irked at things. I can't see it happening. In any case, the latest news from her is that she is taking a pilgrimage soon. I didn't find out where she's off to, but I would assume India (again).

Other than that, well, I lead a boring life. But that's ok. Maybe it's better that way.

Waterfall (unfinished). Watercolor.

Three more.

Shells. Watercolor.

2:37 am. Pen and ink.